I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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