With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
