just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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