I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
