All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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