So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
