just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
