dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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