1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
