The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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