pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize