yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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