remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
