I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize