At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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