I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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