That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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