So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
