is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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