those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They took my balls.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
