i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
