I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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