I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
