it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
