I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
