blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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