I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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