i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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