We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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