I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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