census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I AM VODKA MAN
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
