oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
