she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
