WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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