Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
