yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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