yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
