dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My penis needs a shock collar
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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