She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
