bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
