think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
