Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
