I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
