My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
