yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
