Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
