Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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