So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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