The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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