We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
