I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize