I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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